Lakeside School

The following is an excerpt of a speech by Sonia Patten ’26, one of two students chosen by their classmates to speak at Commencement 2026. Find additional speeches by Matt Keller ’26, Student Government President Gresham Crone ’26, Upper School Assistant Director Whitney Suttell, and Interim Head of School/Upper School Director Ryan Boccuzzi, on our blogs and reflections webpage.

As a kid, I was scared of three things:

• Getting bitten by a black widow spider. 
• Getting kidnapped in the middle of the night.
• Getting rejected.

I like to think that I’ve grown out of the first two fears, but the third one has stuck with me even today, even as I stand here, delivering a speech I’ve spent weeks drafting, redrafting, editing, and hoping you all will like.

Rejection is a funny thing because there’s nothing inherently bad about it, but we’ve all been taught one way or another that it’s wrong. We’re scared of getting our applications rejected by a college, of getting ideas rejected by a friend or a colleague, and it places us in a box that we can’t see, and that we can’t escape. For some reason, my younger self had come to the conclusion that rejection is a direct reflection of my character. I don’t know exactly why this is, but today, I wanted to share one of my own more lighthearted experiences with rejection.

As some of you may know, this January, I began searching for a job. This would be my first official job, and I was ready to put myself out there. I did everything I could think of – carefully constructed a resume, cold emailed some stores. But after a few weeks of crickets, I eventually decided to ask my parents for advice. BIG mistake. As soon as I broke the news, my dad told me to get in the car (reluctantly, I did) and we proceeded to drive to all of the places I’d applied to online. I legitimately had no idea where we were headed until we pulled up in front of the Starbucks and he looked at me and said – “Sonia, go ask for a job.” So I did. I walked in stammering, and when I got back to the car, instead of going home we headed to every location I’d applied to. Throughout the day, I received a lot of “I’ll ask my manager” or “You’re too young” and when I left the one place that actually asked for my contact info, I realized that I’d written my phone number down wrong and I was too embarrassed to go back and correct my mistake. As you may have guessed, I received a total of zero job offers, and I was dealing with the fact that essentially, I had just put myself through several hours of rejection therapy.

Why did I choose to tell this story? When I first reflected on it, it felt like I didn’t really learn anything from the experience, besides the fact that most companies won’t hire you without job experience, which is impossible to acquire if you can’t get a job. But looking back again, I realized that I learned something even more important (if you can believe it). I learned how to cope with rejection. But then I realized, this wasn’t anything new…

As we head into the next stage of our lives, we are going to be faced with so many choices and risks. Today, I want to leave you with some strategies that you can use to overcome the fear of rejection that so many of us feel every day.

First, I want you to remember that rejection is irrelevant. Too often, we equate rejection with failure. But what I define as failure is not the act of being rejected, but the choice to let rejection define our actions. When we’re scared of that “no”, it’s because we are essentially just afraid of judgment – embarrassing ourselves, feeling inadequate, etc. But the only thing judgement truly changes is how we see ourselves. Every time we’ve left our comfort zones in the past four years, we’ve built up the knowledge of who we are, and who we can be. Lakeside has given us a baseline.

I want you to remember that you are supported. Every one of us would not be sitting here today if it weren’t for the teams of support that pushed us along every step of the way. In the show Modern Family, Alex Dunphy says that "Every time anyone accomplishes anything, [they] achieve it with the help of a thousand silent heroes." Well, every time we lose, every rejection, we overcome with the help of those same heroes. Think of everyone who has helped you get to where you are today. Go thank them after the ceremony. Because Lakeside – and every single person sitting here today – has given us endless support.

Finally, I want you to remember that the worst you can hear is a “no.” To my fellow classmates, think about all of your favorite memories from high school. What sticks out to you the most? Because what keeps surfacing for me are those weird tidbits that sneak up on you out of nowhere. It’s the time that my friend Liz wowed us all by daring to microwave a cliff bar and top it with whipped cream. It’s every time that we asked Mr. Dunkin to go outside for advisory, and every outrageous project proposal that we’ve reviewed in StudGov. I realize now that the common factor behind all of my most potent memories is that they were the consequence of someone being brave enough to ask for what they want. We don’t realize it, because oftentimes, the only parts that we get to see are the times people say yes. But even if you only get one “yes” for every 100 “no”s – how will you know if you don’t ask? Lakeside has given us the chance to succeed, now let’s take that confidence and go learn how to fail.

In the next few years, we will see a lot of things that are new, unwieldy, and widely unpredictable. You will probably see things that make you curious or confused or anxious because you really want to be in that acapella group even though you know you can’t sing or you want to say hi to someone you’ve never met before. But as you’re deciding how you want to approach this next stage of your life, I implore you: ask. Ask for anything and everything. Because real change starts with the question of possibility. Because you are more prepared than you think. And because the worst thing you can hear is a “no” and that’s not so scary anymore.